In recent months it has come to my attention that as a woman, having a door held for me by a man is a topic of great contention among feminists. Some feminists take great offense to having a door held for them because it is thought to suggest that men as an entire sex are convinced women are incapable of opening those big bad doors themselves. (As you might note from my sarcasm I don’t agree). In other words it would appear that this action is one of the most frequent, modern, acts of sexism abound.
Sexism is often broken into two subcategories: Benevolent sexism and Malevolent sexism. Malevolent sexism is the obvious kind. It is generally depicted in the behavior of the misogynist boss who talks to your breasts instead of your eyes as if they will do tricks on command, or it is displayed in people who still falsely believe that a woman cannot handle being the President for fear that 7 days out of the month her hormones might persuade her to bomb France. Oh the horror! (Women are guilty of this belief too). Benevolent sexism on the other hand, is much more subtle. These acts can seem kind and generous on the surface - but beware! Cunning misogyny lies beneath. Behaviors that might fall under this category are a man offering to carry a heavy box for a woman or offering to hold that pesky, trouble causing door.
I tend to be pretty skeptical of benevolent sexism. Don’t misunderstand me, I am a card carrying, no holds bar, liberal, feminist. However, that doesn’t mean that I am looking for sexism under the bed, in the closet, and around every corner. I call ‘em like I see ‘em and quite frankly I think that holding doors is just good manners plain and simple. In fact, if a man let a door slam in my face I’d be pretty pissed off. It isn’t seen as offensive if a woman holds a door for another woman, so why the double standard? As feminists shouldn’t we be eradicating double standards rather than causing them? I hold doors for men and women alike. I’m not trying to be political, though I suppose one could read it that way. But truthfully I was just raised that way.
Of course it would be ridiculous if a man held a door for a woman to his own detriment. For instance if your boyfriend is currently wrestling a giant velociraptor and attempts to call a time out with said beast to open the door for you so you might avoid breaking a nail, then you might have to consider the prospect that you are dating a sexist who is also about to be eaten. But short of that I think we are just making a big deal out of nothing.
While we’re on the topic of sexual injustices though, lets just pretend for arguments sake that holding doors is sexist. There are many other forms of sexist prejudice that I am more concerned about – equal pay for instance. As far as I’m concerned I’d rather have men continue to hold doors for me, sexist or not, and give me equal pay for equal work. Or sexual assault and rape. If I have to choose I think I’d rather have the door held for me than be the victim of sexual assault.
We should stop being concerned with invented injustices and concentrate on the real sexist acts. Fight for equal pay! Fight to stop sexual assault! But if I ever see a t-shirt advocating to fight for our right to hold our own doors I might seek out that velociraptor to end it all right there.
At the end of the day I am glad chivalry isn’t dead. I can certainly take care of myself, but if my date wants to open the door for me I’m not going to object.
